Topic: Question for the regular site members

I know it feels a bit needless because we're using this website for a goddamn reason, but have any of you ever actually had sex?
I'll be turning 19 in a few months and I've never gotten laid, despite the fact it's a longtime ambition I have and I spend a lot of time in places like this one and being horny even when not watching porn, so I'd like to know if any users of this thing had success in that regard in spite of being addicted to e621

i-d-d-q-d said:
I know it feels a bit needless because we're using this website for a goddamn reason, but have any of you ever actually had sex?
I'll be turning 19 in a few months and I've never gotten laid, despite the fact it's a longtime ambition I have and I spend a lot of time in places like this one and being horny even when not watching porn, so I'd like to know if any users of this thing had success in that regard in spite of being addicted to e621

Yes I have. Last month on my 37th birthday. In retrospect, it's not a good idea to rush it. In my own opinion, sex feels overrated. You're still a young adult with so much of your life ahead of you. Keep living your life the way you want to, and true love will find you.

And tbh, it's getting to be more socially acceptable to be a virgin in your 20s. Hang onto your virginity. A potential partner may see it as a green flag that you don't sleep around.

Nope, nobody here has ever had sex. I'm sure lots of people here have had sex. Personally, I haven't and don't really care. I mean, I view porn of dragons and pokemon and such, so I think on some subconscious level I view art to distance myself from real life and real life sex. If it means anything, I have sexted before.

You're 18, you have plenty of time to get laid, lol.

crocogator said:
Nope, nobody here has ever had sex. I'm sure lots of people here have had sex. Personally, I haven't and don't really care. I mean, I view porn of dragons and pokemon and such, so I think on some subconscious level I view art to distance myself from real life and real life sex. If it means anything, I have sexted before.

You're 18, you have plenty of time to get laid, lol.

That was quite the opposite for me. This site kinda fueled my desire for real sex.

i-d-d-q-d said:
I know it feels a bit needless because we're using this website for a goddamn reason, but have any of you ever actually had sex?
I'll be turning 19 in a few months and I've never gotten laid, despite the fact it's a longtime ambition I have and I spend a lot of time in places like this one and being horny even when not watching porn, so I'd like to know if any users of this thing had success in that regard in spite of being addicted to e621

i legit dont care about getting laid whatsoever, my only goal in life is to enjoy my life. anyways, you shouldnt worry too much about getting laid, as if youre just turning 19 you still got a whole bunch of time to find someone.

fluffysoup said:
I wonder if it's like 50-50.

I guess it all depends on the individual. Years ago, it was just to help me cope with stress

i-d-d-q-d said:
I know it feels a bit needless because we're using this website for a goddamn reason, but have any of you ever actually had sex?

We have a little under 2 million users, over 2.5 million if you count those with unverified emails. Yes, some of us have had sex. Hell, there's tons of posts on this site posted by people that was commissioned artwork of them & their partner.

Personally? No, but not for lack of opportunity, at least in my teens.

i-d-d-q-d said:
I'll be turning 19 in a few months and I've never gotten laid, despite [...] being horny even when not watching porn...

Yes, that's how puberty is for most people; don't worry, it doesn't mean anything being having a healthy sex drive. Free advice, life isn't a series of checkpoints, & you shouldn't worry about not reaching one by an arbitrary time.

colinthelucario said:
And tbh, it's getting to be more socially acceptable to be a virgin in your 20s. Hang onto your virginity. A potential partner may see it as a green flag that you don't sleep around.

I wouldn't say hold onto your virginity if you don't want to (you do you), but otherwise, I second this 100%.

It depends on your sexuality, but if you just want to get laid, you absolutely can. If you want a relationship, it's harder, but you still absolutely can. Just put yourself out there & focus on the relationship instead of the sex; let it come naturally.

...whether or not your professional life will take priority over your love life is a different matter.

Naaaah~★ and don't plan on for a long time. When I really get into the nitty-gritty
and logistics of being a peep seeking other peeps, Figured out sleeping around isn't
really my style. Grinder sounds fun on paper, but it sounds like heck for peeps who
want a real connection with another peep and not just fun for the next hour or so,
Dood. -‿-)

And that fun comes with so many hidden strings for "No strings attached."
Peeps blocking you right after to stop any type of connection before it starts
making you feel used and discarded, Meeting up in the first place can be a pain,
Looks become a lot more important as sex becomes a number rather than a genuine
way to connect, Dood. T‿T)~★

(And if you don't have health insurance, I just wouldn't consider it. 1 hour is
not worth being in debt for possibly all your life, Dood. =‿=;)

Yeah, I'm good. I'll wait till I'm ready to make that kind of relationship with
another peep I trust. And right now I am in a VERY committed relationship with
my work. Combine that with a love to help others and you got a peep like me, Dood!
╹‿╹)~★

A peep whose hopeful that you understand that I'm not hitting on you when I
do what I can to help in whatever minor way I can, to make sure your having
a good day, Dood!
◠‿╹)~★

crocogator said:
Nope, nobody here has ever had sex. I'm sure lots of people here have had sex. Personally, I haven't and don't really care. I mean, I view porn of dragons and pokemon and such, so I think on some subconscious level I view art to distance myself from real life and real life sex. If it means anything, I have sexted before.

You're 18, you have plenty of time to get laid, lol.

thegoonguardian said:
i legit dont care about getting laid whatsoever, my only goal in life is to enjoy my life. anyways, you shouldnt worry too much about getting laid, as if youre just turning 19 you still got a whole bunch of time to find someone.

aacafah said:
We have a little under 2 million users, over 2.5 million if you count those with unverified emails. Yes, some of us have had sex. Hell, there's tons of posts on this site posted by people that was commissioned artwork of them & their partner.

Personally? No, but not for lack of opportunity, at least in my teens.

Yes, that's how puberty is for most people; don't worry, it doesn't mean anything being having a healthy sex drive. Free advice, life isn't a series of checkpoints, & you shouldn't worry about not reaching one by an arbitrary time.

I wouldn't say hold onto your virginity if you don't want to (you do you), but otherwise, I second this 100%.

It depends on your sexuality, but if you just want to get laid, you absolutely can. If you want a relationship, it's harder, but you still absolutely can. Just put yourself out there & focus on the relationship instead of the sex; let it come naturally.

...whether or not your professional life will take priority over your love life is a different matter.

Thanks dudes, those are pretty valuable advice and I appreciate the sincerity you've provided. That being said, even unexpectedly wise advice is far from making me see things in another way, I generally feel very disappointed of how little I've achieved in comparison to other people around my age, and while I'm currently coping well and getting accustomed to having spent eons being hated by girls, I can't remove the hunger not just for physicality but for emotional fulfillment... in that case I dont really know what to do, but I'm unwilling to remain the beggar guy

i-d-d-q-d said:
Thanks dudes, those are pretty valuable advice and I appreciate the sincerity you've provided. That being said, even unexpectedly wise advice is far from making me see things in another way, I generally feel very disappointed of how little I've achieved in comparison to other people around my age, and while I'm currently coping well and getting accustomed to having spent eons being hated by girls, I can't remove the hunger not just for physicality but for emotional fulfillment... in that case I dont really know what to do, but I'm unwilling to remain the beggar guy

I know how you feel. I had been trying for women since I was 20. Even back then, dating was tough. It was only recently I decided to broaden my horizons a bit. I've actually met a number of furries around my area, and I'm surprised how welcoming this community is.

i-d-d-q-d said:
Thanks dudes, those are pretty valuable advice and I appreciate the sincerity you've provided. That being said, even unexpectedly wise advice is far from making me see things in another way, I generally feel very disappointed of how little I've achieved in comparison to other people around my age, and while I'm currently coping well and getting accustomed to having spent eons being hated by girls, I can't remove the hunger not just for physicality but for emotional fulfillment... in that case I dont really know what to do, but I'm unwilling to remain the beggar guy

I think this is a very common sentiment among those who didn't have sex early on. I felt this way even in high school. Ironically, I found sex extremely underwhelming compared to the way people acted about it. It's....nice. That's it. Not the earth-shattering experience some people make it out to be.

Speaking more broadly than just this topic, I've found the best way to deal with being in a rut is to stay busy and try not to focus on it. I know this is often easier said than done but still. When your mind is unoccupied, it tends to stray into unproductive areas of thought. Ideally, do things that might make you feel good and productive, like work out, get a job or learn a new hobby.

I had sex for the first time a little bit after turning 19, and it was a relief to get it done, but I also wish it would have been with someone I liked a little more. I got to a point where I was driven by desperation, and that’s not what you want for yourself. Wait until you meet the right person. There is definitely a respectability to holding out until you find the right one.

popoto said:
I think this is a very common sentiment among those who didn't have sex early on. I felt this way even in high school. Ironically, I found sex extremely underwhelming compared to the way people acted about it. It's....nice. That's it. Not the earth-shattering experience some people make it out to be.

Speaking more broadly than just this topic, I've found the best way to deal with being in a rut is to stay busy and try not to focus on it. I know this is often easier said than done but still. When your mind is unoccupied, it tends to stray into unproductive areas of thought. Ideally, do things that might make you feel good and productive, like work out, get a job or learn a new hobby.

People have told that to me when I was a virgin, but I never wanted to believe it. Up until the day it was taken, I learned that it's true. Although it's a relief that it's been taken care of. I HATED being a virgin in my 30s

johnlennon515 said:
I had sex for the first time a little bit after turning 19, and it was a relief to get it done

How did it happen?

tee hee

voltage-controlled said:
tee hee

I wasn't an extra virgin lol. My mind itself was filthy. I understood the gist of it

i-d-d-q-d said:
Thanks dudes, those are pretty valuable advice and I appreciate the sincerity you've provided. That being said, even unexpectedly wise advice is far from making me see things in another way, I generally feel very disappointed of how little I've achieved in comparison to other people around my age, and while I'm currently coping well and getting accustomed to having spent eons being hated by girls, I can't remove the hunger not just for physicality but for emotional fulfillment... in that case I dont really know what to do, but I'm unwilling to remain the beggar guy

popoto said:
I think this is a very common sentiment among those who didn't have sex early on. I felt this way even in high school. Ironically, I found sex extremely underwhelming compared to the way people acted about it. It's....nice. That's it. Not the earth-shattering experience some people make it out to be.

Speaking more broadly than just this topic, I've found the best way to deal with being in a rut is to stay busy and try not to focus on it. I know this is often easier said than done but still. When your mind is unoccupied, it tends to stray into unproductive areas of thought. Ideally, do things that might make you feel good and productive, like work out, get a job or learn a new hobby.

colinthelucario said:
People have told that to me when I was a virgin, but I never wanted to believe it. Up until the day it was taken, I learned that it's true. Although it's a relief that it's been taken care of. I HATED being a virgin in my 30s

You know, I may just be asexual because of how much this is flying over my head, Dood.
=‿=;)

I've never felt that flavor of burning desire to be with someone, When peeps in my
younger days mention sex as a goal, I laughed it off and the only thing that worries
me about my age at the moment is preparing for my later years by staying active and
avoiding heavy lifting, Dood. ╹‿╹)

(Don't over exert yourself, Doing it now may mean not being able to later, Dood. T‿T)

Yup, my frame of reference is totally not meant for this thread,
◠‿◠)Haha!~★
Sorry if my story didn't help much with what you're looking from life, i-d-d-q-d.
If it's a goal, Make an effort. Understand the messiness of relationships. That
sex isn't the ending but a way to get closer; So a healthy connection with that
person needs to be made. And Most Importantly, Dood!

Use. Protection.

Oh my gosh, There are so many things a condom protects you from.
One Awkward shopping trip may likely save you thousands, Dood!
-‿-)

I had sex a few times from my 20s onwards with a few different women. Fear of never meeting anyone good and ending up alone caused me to overlook severe red flags in women I could not fix. I feel like actually having sex with people changed my brain chemistry, removing many of my old fetishes and giving me a new fetish for nature because that's where I had sex for the first time. A small wooden house for bird-watching, deep in the woods. Nobody goes there at night. But we came there at night.

notkastar said:
Use. Protection.

Oh my gosh, There are so many things a condom protects you from.
One Awkward shopping trip may lightly save you thousands, Dood!
-‿-)

Yes, absolutely. Whether you're attracted to men or women. They do more than preventing pregnancy. They protect you from STDs and it makes clean up so much easier

Oh and one other thing I had to teach myself: don't overthink it. Go with the flow and let your partner take the lead.

I'm 34 and have never had sex. Nor have i ever had any pull towards others, sexually at least. It's something i would love to try at one point, but i've come to accept that i'm mostly an asexual, with a tiniest hint of bisexuality. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's how i feel. At least towards real humans. Drawn characters are a completely different story however.

drato said:
I'm 34 and have never had sex. Nor have i ever had any pull towards others, sexually at least. It's something i would love to try at one point, but i've come to accept that i'm mostly an asexual, with a tiniest hint of bisexuality. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's how i feel. At least towards real humans. Drawn characters are a completely different story however.

Totally understandable, Gender preference and wanting to go out
with a peep are actually two entirely different things.
^{[Learned that for a fact in this thread, Dood -‿-)]}
Kinda like being a furry, I LOVE men in briefs, but that doesn't mean I want to sleep
with a guy just because they were briefs. What you like holds no bearing on romantic
or sexual interest in another human being. A good way to describe it 'would' be saying:

I'm Gay, Straight, Bisexual [etc.] 'And' I'm also Asexual, Dood. ╹‿╹)

notkastar said:
Totally understandable, Gender preference and wanting to go out
with a peep are actually two entirely different things.
^{[Learned that for a fact in this thread, Dood -‿-)]}
Kinda like being a furry, I LOVE men in briefs, but that doesn't mean I want to sleep
with a guy just because they were briefs. What you like holds no bearing on romantic
or sexual interest in another human being. A good way to describe it 'would' be saying:

I'm Gay, Straight, Bisexual [etc.] 'And' I'm also Asexual, Dood. ╹‿╹)

There is a term for being asexual, but still masturbates. I forget what it's called

colinthelucario said:
There is a term for being asexual, but still masturbates. I forget what it's called

Totally! Though for clarity in case they never heard of it,
Found Term Combos are pretty rad at getting the point across quick,
Dood~!
◠‿╹)~★

colinthelucario said:
I wasn't an extra virgin lol. My mind itself was filthy. I understood the gist of it

That wasn't directed at you. It was more of a subtle dig at myself.

voltage-controlled said:
That wasn't directed at you. It was more of a subtle dig at myself.

I know it wasn't directed at me

colinthelucario said:
I know it wasn't directed at me

All good. I was worried you took offense to it.

voltage-controlled said:
All good. I was worried you took offense to it.

I'm Irish, it takes A LOT to offend me lol. Hell, I'm known to make self deprecating jokes about myself

drato said:
I'm 34 and have never had sex. Nor have i ever had any pull towards others, sexually at least. It's something i would love to try at one point, but i've come to accept that i'm mostly an asexual, with a tiniest hint of bisexuality. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's how i feel. At least towards real humans. Drawn characters are a completely different story however.

That's probably a lot of people on this site. I'm pretty similar. I could try to awkwardly shoehorn myself into labels: "homoflexible", "aegosexual" ("graysexual"?), "aromantic", but instead of that, I'll generally just say "gay and likely on the asexual spectrum".

crocogator said:
That's probably a lot of people on this site. I'm pretty similar. I could try to awkwardly shoehorn myself into labels: "homoflexible", "aegosexual" ("graysexual"?), "aromantic", but instead of that, I'll generally just say "gay and likely on the asexual spectrum".

^{Combo terms, Dood~! -‿-)~★}

Mid 20s, no, I second this

notkastar said:
Grinder sounds fun on paper, but it sounds like heck for peeps who
want a real connection with another peep and not just fun for the next hour or so

I have a strong sex drive but not really down with actually doing a hookup like that irl, I would want sex to be with someone who at the very least is not a stranger. I'd like to have a lot of sex but with the same person(s), not randos. I don't really put myself out there though and have an extremely limited friend group which limits my opportunities for such. At the same time though I don't really care enough to change that.

jerdude002 said:
Mid 20s, no, I second this

I have a strong sex drive but not really down with actually doing a hookup like that irl, I would want sex to be with someone who at the very least is not a stranger. I'd like to have a lot of sex but with the same person(s), not randos. I don't really put myself out there though and have an extremely limited friend group which limits my opportunities for such. At the same time though I don't really care enough to change that.

That's honestly what I should have done. I rushed to get mine taken. It was a constant tug of war between getting it out of the way first or try for a real relationship. I knew that the thought was eating me up within, so I decided to just get rid of it.

As of now, I feel like I don't really need it anymore. It's a good thing to have with a loving partner. But I guess I can hold off until I get to that point.

voltage-controlled said:
tee hee

truths from the tablecloth 🗣️🔥🔥🔥

Not that I've ever had the opportunity, but I find it very difficult to separate emotional intimacy from sex and I'd only want to be emotionally intimate with a close friend, of which I have none of because I'm an asocial, introverted loner that's incompatible with most people.

I'd prefer to be aroace, but much of my desire for a romantic relationship evaporates upon sexual relief, so what I am now is a close second.

jerdude002 said:
Mid 20s, no, I second this

I have a strong sex drive but not really down with actually doing a hookup like that irl, I would want sex to be with someone who at the very least is not a stranger. I'd like to have a lot of sex but with the same person(s), not randos. I don't really put myself out there though and have an extremely limited friend group which limits my opportunities for such. At the same time though I don't really care enough to change that.

Hey, I didn't see this at the moment and you're right, that's largely what I think, I want to fuck the same girl multiple times instead of several girls one time, as well as a mutual trust and love instead of the "desecration" or humiliation some of my friends associate sex with

Yeah, I have, and I love it a lot- but there's unfortunately no cute male kemonos in real life! As such, personally, I only really find it satisfying with someone I like, and it's much more fulfilling that way too. Don't rush things with a rando, make sure it's somebody you actually like. You'll have less regrets that way.

I have a real-life human wife so yeah. I have sex.

i-d-d-q-d said:
I know it feels a bit needless because we're using this website for a goddamn reason, but have any of you ever actually had sex?
I'll be turning 19 in a few months and I've never gotten laid, despite the fact it's a longtime ambition I have and I spend a lot of time in places like this one and being horny even when not watching porn, so I'd like to know if any users of this thing had success in that regard in spite of being addicted to e621

if oral sex counts, then yes. otherwise, no. i unfortunately discovered that hookups aren't for me, and i've been trying to improve myself before entering the dating scene. i probably could have had loads of sex by now if i had really wanted it (mostly cause im attracted to men and men are easy (sorry)), but i just haven't. i need to know myself and the other person (or maybe persons, i'm not even sure if i'm monogamous) better to have it be fulfilling. the hesitancy is mostly 'cause of religious (thanks, evangelical christianity) and existential guilt, as well as dysmorphia/dysphoria.

there's also the other person's enjoyment/memory to consider. if i were to enlope with someone prematurely and end up being negatively affected by the experience, i would run the risk of hurting the other person in some way too.

it's frustrating to not be "ready" at this age (22), but that's my life.

No.

altei said:
it's frustrating to not be "ready" at this age (22), but that's my life.

I got a legitimate question, and Please keep in mind
this is coming from a most likely Asexual peep, Dood.

Why is sex such an important milestone?

I can only speak from my own frame of reference and to me, Sex would be like going on a
vacation, going to the movies or the aquarium. A fun idea, but working out the logistics
seems like a hassle and frankly would rather do something else like go to the movies,
Go on vacation or go to the aquarium, Dood.

But, After Reading this thread, Really sounds like sex and the lack of it is a curse,
Poisoning peeps from the inside the longer they don't have it. I just don't get
the intensity there. Since to me, it'd be like someone being dark from not going
to a convention; To the point where they contemplate their life choices.
Which just seems really weird to me, I mean it's a bummer but not 'That'
big of a deal from my view.

I don't mean to say this in a High and Mighty, "Oh I don't have to worry, Aren't I lucky~!"
kinda way. I mean this very literally: I Don't Understand, But I want to understand.
Why is sex so important?

Would love it if someone could explain it to me, Dood
╹ ╹)

altei said:
if oral sex counts, then yes. otherwise, no. i unfortunately discovered that hookups aren't for me, and i've been trying to improve myself before entering the dating scene. i probably could have had loads of sex by now if i had really wanted it (mostly cause im attracted to men and men are easy (sorry)), but i just haven't. i need to know myself and the other person (or maybe persons, i'm not even sure if i'm monogamous) better to have it be fulfilling. the hesitancy is mostly 'cause of religious (thanks, evangelical christianity) and existential guilt, as well as dysmorphia/dysphoria.

there's also the other person's enjoyment/memory to consider. if i were to enlope with someone prematurely and end up being negatively affected by the experience, i would run the risk of hurting the other person in some way too.

it's frustrating to not be "ready" at this age (22), but that's my life.

I'm quite sorry to hear you feel this way, even if our orientations are distinct

notkastar said:
Use. Protection.

Oh my gosh, There are so many things a condom protects you from.
One Awkward shopping trip may likely save you thousands, Dood!
-‿-)

colinthelucario said:
Yes, absolutely. Whether you're attracted to men or women. They do more than preventing pregnancy. They protect you from STDs and it makes clean up so much easier

Adding on to this, anyone who is sexually active and nonmonogamous should be on PrEP. It's a miracle HIV prevention drug that you take daily and that has no side effects for most people (after a 1-3 week adjustment window). It's extremely effective when taken correctly (fewer than 20 failures have ever been recorded), and you can get it for free in the US, with or without insurance. I'm American so not sure about other countries, but it's worth looking into.
I personally use MISTR, but have heard of a few other similar services, they seem to all work the same:
https://heymistr.com/
https://qcareplus.com/
https://www.gofreddie.com/
https://healthvana.com/
You sign up, have a 2 minute video call with a doctor who makes sure you've read the information, they either send you a home blood test or you can go to an in-person clinic for it, and then they ship you the meds. You do have to do the labs every 3 months. I found the home blood tests challenging so I just go in-person. It's all completely free, if you have insurance they do bill it for the medication, but if you don't, MISTR at least still covers all the costs through a charity partner. Some of the sites also do free STI screenings along with your other labs. MISTR does gonorrhea and chlamydia tests along with the required HIV ones, but not syphilis, so once in a while (typically before conventions lol) I go to my local free clinic for a comprehensive STI panel.
Some also provide DoxyPEP, which is an on-demand medication that you take within 24 hours after having sex to prevent bacterial STIs, but unfortunately doxy is still only approved for AMABs. ANYONE sexually active can and should get on prep, though!

notkastar said:
I got a legitimate question, and Please keep in mind
this is coming from a most likely Asexual peep, Dood.

Why is sex such an important milestone?

I can only speak from my own frame of reference and to me, Sex would be like going on a
vacation, going to the movies or the aquarium. A fun idea, but working out the logistics
seems like a hassle and frankly would rather do something else like go to the movies,
Go on vacation or go to the aquarium, Dood.

But, After Reading this thread, Really sounds like sex and the lack of it is a curse,
Poisoning peeps from the inside the longer they don't have it. I just don't get
the intensity there. Since to me, it'd be like someone being dark from not going
to a convention; To the point where they contemplate their life choices.
Which just seems really weird to me, I mean it's a bummer but not 'That'
big of a deal from my view.

I can think of a couple reasons why it matters so much to people

• It is the expectation of experience in others and stigma of inexperience for both relationships and socially. E.g. thinking no one wants a virgin past [insert age here], being afraid you'll embarrass yourself in the bedroom or being unable to relate to friends talking about it. Virginity tends to be shamed in society. Especially for guys. Just think about the other things associated with late virgins....no friends, NEET, lazy, unmotivated, etc.

• Part of it is the intense desire to fit in and "be cool" that comes with being a teenager.

• Craving a new experience you're very inclined towards because of puberty/your sex drive. It's like constantly thinking about food you've never had before but looks amazing. Of course you're gonna crave it badly if it's on your mind so much or you know everyone but you has had it already.

• Thinking the experience is going to be some really big deal that changes you a lot. Especially the idea that once you have it, it'll fix your problems or complete you in some way

• A desire to be mature. Of course, having sex doesn't equal maturity but it (and relationships) are aspects of adulthood I suppose. That and teenagers can have some silly ideas about maturity.

• It sometimes shows you can establish a relationship with the same/opposite sex. Which is often considered a special thing and a sign of social ability
• On relationships, you don't want to feel like all the good people are being snatched up and you'll be left behind

• When you miss this milestone, you can feel like a loser or as if you've fallen behind people. It can make you feel like something's wrong with you. Like "if everyone else can do this, why can't I?" Particularly past the age where most people experience it.
• Any teenage issues here can carry over and give you a chip on your shoulder in your 20s

While there's definitely some internal aspects to the desire, I think the worst aspects of not having sex are fueled by external(societal/social) factors. Personally, the sex itself didn't really matter to me. It was a nice idea but I was patient. What mattered to me was the having a special connection with someone else. That is what I truly wanted. It just so happened to be associated with losing your virginity.

popoto said:
I can think of a couple reasons why it matters so much to people

• It is the expectation of experience in others and stigma of inexperience for both relationships and socially. E.g. thinking no one wants a virgin past [insert age here], being afraid you'll embarrass yourself in the bedroom or being unable to relate to friends talking about it. Virginity tends to be shamed in society. Especially for guys. Just think about the other things associated with late virgins....no friends, NEET, lazy, unmotivated, etc.

• Part of it is the intense desire to fit in and "be cool" that comes with being a teenager.

• Craving a new experience you're very inclined towards because of puberty/your sex drive. It's like constantly thinking about food you've never had before but looks amazing. Of course you're gonna crave it badly if it's on your mind so much or you know everyone but you has had it already.

• Thinking the experience is going to be some really big deal that changes you a lot. Especially the idea that once you have it, it'll fix your problems or complete you in some way

• A desire to be mature. Of course, having sex doesn't equal maturity but it (and relationships) are aspects of adulthood I suppose. That and teenagers can have some silly ideas about maturity.

• It sometimes shows you can establish a relationship with the same/opposite sex. Which is often considered a special thing and a sign of social ability
• On relationships, you don't want to feel like all the good people are being snatched up and you'll be left behind

• When you miss this milestone, you can feel like a loser or as if you've fallen behind people. It can make you feel like something's wrong with you. Like "if everyone else can do this, why can't I?" Particularly past the age where most people experience it.
• Any teenage issues here can carry over and give you a chip on your shoulder in your 20s

While there's definitely some internal aspects to the desire, I think the worst aspects of not having sex are fueled by external(societal/social) factors. Personally, the sex itself didn't really matter to me. It was a nice idea but I was patient. What mattered to me was the having a special connection with someone else. That is what I truly wanted. It just so happened to be associated with losing your virginity.

All of this rings true for me. I had all of these at an extreme level to the point where I was so distraught. I was unwillingly scaring everyone away. I had to get rid of it ASAP

i-d-d-q-d said:
I know it feels a bit needless because we're using this website for a goddamn reason, but have any of you ever actually had sex?

yeah

right now i'm single and not looking for love until a later point in my life, so it's porn and the occasional one-and-done. when i'm in a relationship i don't look at porn

Honestly, never. Though my situation is a bit of complex one. I was so uncomfortable with sexuality through my teens and 20s, that even solo activities caused issue with me mentally
This site actually helped me to pull away from that repression a bit in my early 30s, finding some level of comfort to the sexuality i kept buried within me, but childhood traumas, they tend to latch on pretty deep, making even trying feel like a impossibility

popoto said:
I can think of a couple reasons why it matters so much to people

[Excellent Reasons]

While there's definitely some internal aspects to the desire, I think the worst aspects of not having sex are fueled by external(societal/social) factors. Personally, the sex itself didn't really matter to me. It was a nice idea but I was patient. What mattered to me was the having a special connection with someone else. That is what I truly wanted. It just so happened to be associated with losing your virginity.

colinthelucario said:
All of this rings true for me. I had all of these at an extreme level to the point where I was so distraught. I was unwillingly scaring everyone away. I had to get rid of it ASAP

Man oh man, I can't thank you enough for taking the time to type this all out!
That sounds absolutely awful to go through. Like the weight of the world itself
coming at ya from all angles, saying: "You must do "This Thing" to be a real person!"

That's the way I see it to expand a bit more, like it could have been anything.
Like replacing sex with braiding your hair or getting a dog would have had the
same level of bafflement from me, why 'This Thing' is the thing you need to be
alive. But like you've so eloquently said it's not about "Sex" really, It's about
the outside stressors pushing peeps into believing they aren't real unless they
have it, Dood.

• That it's a finite thing.

• That everyone also has.

• and everyone at this age not only has had but MUST have had it.

• And not only is a super cure to whatever sadness and loneliness your feeling, but "the lack of it is what's causing it."

• AND You Must have it to be accepted as a functioning person or there's something wrong with you.

• "AND" You will be seen as a kid forever until you have it and will loose your friends one at a time while they get it and you don't.

all at the same time while your own sex drive acts like anxiety and amplifies each and everyone of
these points till it's the only thing you can hear...

Man oh man, Makes perfect sense why this matter so much, On the absolutely smallest
scale, Getting it out of the way removes a MAJOR source of anxiety from your life
at the source, Dood ╹ ╹)

notkastar said:
Why is sex so important?

Would love it if someone could explain it to me, Dood
╹ ╹)

If you ask me I'm a living paradox when it comes to that regard, I grew up as an already heavily straight sex-curious boy who was constantly taught that sex was dirty, degenerate, sick, etc, and girls I've been interested in throughout my life have disliked me for pretty understandable reasons, so even though I know that sex is normal, both occurrences have made me think of myself as rage, brutal, without mercy when it comes to my hunger... but at the same time I'm craving to feel loved. There's something about a girl trusting me enough to want to fuck me that makes it feel exceptionally fulfilling, especially because as stated before, I've failed a fuckin lot and I've been curious about how it's like to get laid by someone who actually values and loves you, both things that I've unsurprisingly barely known on any sense.

i-d-d-q-d said:
I've been curious about how it's like to get laid by someone who actually values and loves you

I'm hoping to find that out myself one day. I'm now focusing on getting a loving relationship first. Surely it can't be lackluster all the time. But I'm demisexual and it's hard enough for me to fall for someone to begin with.

colinthelucario said:
I'm hoping to find that out myself one day. I'm now focusing on getting a loving relationship first. Surely it can't be lackluster all the time. But I'm demisexual and it's hard enough for me to fall for someone to begin with.

After seeing what happened to a friend of mine who got into a relationship and the absolute shit they're dealing with now I'm so fucking glad I never did.

voltage-controlled said:
After seeing what happened to a friend of mine who got into a relationship and the absolute shit they're dealing with now I'm so fucking glad I never did.

I don't think that should be the mentality neither, I think that we should take risks (though I'm certainly not the indicated to say this) and enjoy the ephemeral nature of being loved

Love and breasts and coochies are temporary unfortunately but DOOM IS ETERNAL 👻

i-d-d-q-d said:
I don't think that should be the mentality neither, I think that we should take risks (though I'm certainly not the indicated to say this) and enjoy the ephemeral nature of being loved

Love and breasts and coochies are temporary unfortunately but DOOM IS ETERNAL 👻

I have tried for women for the longest time, I honestly don't see that happening in the foreseeable future. So far, I've only been with guys

notkastar said:
I got a legitimate question, and Please keep in mind
this is coming from a most likely Asexual peep, Dood.

Why is sex such an important milestone?

While a lot of people find it curious why people wish to fit in the answer is quite simple at the root of it. Humans are social creatures we thrive when in groups, groups build community, and community fosters social stigma, social stigma is an incredibly strong driver for behavior in a lot of people (on account of the evolutionary benefits of socialization), after all if we all killed each other humans wouldn't be a very successful species.

However, I find it more interesting to ask the question of why people like me, and I assume you don't feel this need. While it's not something I've ever come to a concise answer on, it definitely has interesting implications. Of course the simplest answer is that we're fucked up (as in abnormal, not like dangerous or something) and don't operate in the same social manner as others, and lacking the required reward mechanism, why would you participate in it?

Personally for me, I don't have an immediate need or desire for any of the aforementioned in this thread. Though I do sometimes think about it, and from a pure utilitarian viewpoint, it would be logical to be in a long term relationship, although it's in conflict with my nature as I don't like people, I spend the majority of my time alone. It's not that I dislike socializing, it's just that it's a lot of work (friendship upkeep is not really something I strive for, it's burdensome) I'm not sure why, but I also have this general desire to "not exist" socially. I'm not really sure what the answer to that one is.

Anyway, it's just interesting to me, because it's a problem I've thought about for a few years now. Sometimes I yearn for a long term relationship though most of the time it doesn't even cross my mind. I have no desire to put any work into changing any of my behaviors as they don't broadly constitute a negative outcome. Although part of me knows from a utilitarian viewpoint I really should.

Anyway, enough solemn posting, if you're ever bored, and have a moderate interest in personality disorders, it's worth reading into SzPD as it's one of the more interesting and lesser studied PDs. Unfortunately it tends to slip through the cracks and considering it's generally negative QoL impact, it's quite sad.

i_dont_exist_for_you said:
However, I find it more interesting to ask the question of why people like me, and I assume you don't feel this need. While it's not something I've ever come to a concise answer on, it definitely has interesting implications. Of course the simplest answer is that we're fucked up (as in abnormal, not like dangerous or something) and don't operate in the same social manner as others, and lacking the required reward mechanism, why would you participate in it?

Personally for me, I don't have an immediate need or desire for any of the aforementioned in this thread. Though I do sometimes think about it, and from a pure utilitarian viewpoint, it would be logical to be in a long term relationship, although it's in conflict with my nature as I don't like people, I spend the majority of my time alone. It's not that I dislike socializing, it's just that it's a lot of work (friendship upkeep is not really something I strive for, it's burdensome) I'm not sure why, but I also have this general desire to "not exist" socially. I'm not really sure what the answer to that one is.

Anyway, it's just interesting to me, because it's a problem I've thought about for a few years now. Sometimes I yearn for a long term relationship though most of the time it doesn't even cross my mind. I have no desire to put any work into changing any of my behaviors as they don't broadly constitute a negative outcome. Although part of me knows from a utilitarian viewpoint I really should.

Are you familiar with asexuality and/or aromanticism, by any chance?

colinthelucario said:
I have tried for women for the longest time, I honestly don't see that happening in the foreseeable future. So far, I've only been with guys

I'd die before being with someone my same gender.. it's alright anyway, even excluding sex I don't hope to live too long.

i-d-d-q-d said:
I'd die before being with someone my same gender.. it's alright anyway, even excluding sex I don't hope to live too long.

I decided to expand my horizons, so to speak. I get along so much better with guys, plus most of the stuff I look at on here is male/male anyway. Guys understand each other and they know what we like. All the years of solely looking for women has damaged my mental health. The few times I felt I was getting close to a female, I get friendzoned.

i-d-d-q-d said:
I'd die before being with someone my same gender.. it's alright anyway, even excluding sex I don't hope to live too long.

And hey, worse comes to worse, you could try a strip club

colinthelucario said:
I decided to expand my horizons, so to speak. I get along so much better with guys, plus most of the stuff I look at on here is male/male anyway. Guys understand each other and they know what we like. All the years of solely looking for women has damaged my mental health. The few times I felt I was getting close to a female, I get friendzoned.

For some guys it kind of is that simple. For some reason, girls don't work out for them, and then they try being with a guy, and it just clicks better.
I know when i was finally able let myself be comfortable with sexuality as a whole, i started noticing that it seemed to come more naturally looking at guys than girls.
Then i know some guys who go in trying like you to expand their horizons, because they're having a hard time with women, or even just out of curiousity,and they just can't

You know I'm certainly le perv and all and I'm well aware of the fact I don't command any response from women other than disgust and loathe, for pretty understandable reasons, yet I really want to love a girl even though a reciprocal case is highly unlikely for my current situation, I want to grab her breasts and butt and lick her pussy and hold her like a treasure I don't want to let go, despite the fact that as i said before they've all hated me for good reasons and yet remain godesses and art who deserve my admiration <3

i-d-d-q-d said:
You know I'm certainly le perv and all and I'm well aware of the fact I don't command any response from women other than disgust and loathe, for pretty understandable reasons, yet I really want to love a girl even though a reciprocal case is highly unlikely for my current situation, I want to grab her breasts and butt and lick her pussy and hold her like a treasure I don't want to let go, despite the fact that as i said before they've all hated me for good reasons and yet remain godesses and art who deserve my admiration <3

The first step is obviously not viewing them as a sexual object. A huge majority of women don't like that. Women like to see a guy who is happy with his life and they want to see that they shouldn't be solely responsible for his happiness. They want to feel secure with their man.

It took me so long to understand this as the desire for sex was overwhelming to where I struggled to function normally.

colinthelucario said:
I decided to expand my horizons, so to speak. I get along so much better with guys, plus most of the stuff I look at on here is male/male anyway. Guys understand each other and they know what we like. All the years of solely looking for women has damaged my mental health. The few times I felt I was getting close to a female, I get friendzoned.

i-d-d-q-d said:
You know I'm certainly le perv and all and I'm well aware of the fact I don't command any response from women other than disgust and loathe, for pretty understandable reasons, yet I really want to love a girl even though a reciprocal case is highly unlikely for my current situation, I want to grab her breasts and butt and lick her pussy and hold her like a treasure I don't want to let go, despite the fact that as i said before they've all hated me for good reasons and yet remain godesses and art who deserve my admiration <3

^{These comments should really be added with the caveat that it's not so much a difference between men and women and more so different personalities with the peeps you've met so far. And that drawing such a harsh line between peeps, like saying "females are this" and "men are this" in such blanket terms, is a real turn-off. And is FAR more likely to be the defining trait that pushes peeps away since peeps generally don't like it when you view them as a different species and entirely incomprehensible, rather than has a fellow human being, Dood. =‿=;)}

notkastar said:
^{These comments should really be added with the caveat that it's not so much a difference between men and women and more so different personalities with the peeps you've met so far. And that drawing such a harsh line between peeps, like saying "females are this" and "men are this" in such blanket terms, is a real turn-off. And is FAR more likely to be the defining trait that pushes peeps away since peeps generally don't like it when you view them as a different species and entirely incomprehensible, rather than has a fellow human being, Dood. =‿=;)}

I guess you can say I'm still quite sore over all these years. I feel like I need a break

colinthelucario said:
I guess you can say I'm still quite sore over all these years. I feel like I need a break

Relationships aren't easy, and neither is gardening, Dood ╹‿╹)

Some plants won't grow in certain soil, while others only do. Sure the flower may be
pretty but just because the flower is pretty doesn't mean you're entitled to be able
to grow it. And conversely just because you can grow a Prickly pear cactus doesn't mean,
all cacti are just easier to grow than lavender, apples, or tomatoes. Just that the soil
allows the Prickly pear cactus to grow naturally, And you'd have just as much luck if you
planted a dragon fruit. We all have different soil, and not having a plant grow can sting.
but don't salt the soil with accusations that roma tomatoes just didn't want to grow when
it could have, or that the care needed for that seed is what every tomato needs. Just keep
tending the garden. You'll get the right flower with the water of optimism, Dood!
◠‿◠)

i-d-d-q-d said:
You know I'm certainly le perv and all and I'm well aware of the fact I don't command any response from women other than disgust and loathe, for pretty understandable reasons, yet I really want to love a girl even though a reciprocal case is highly unlikely for my current situation, I want to grab her breasts and butt and lick her pussy and hold her like a treasure I don't want to let go, despite the fact that as i said before they've all hated me for good reasons and yet remain godesses and art who deserve my admiration <3

Yeah, I'd absolutely say it's worth emphasizing that you should focus first on the relationship - including platonic if you're not using dating apps/sites - & feel things out before trying to expand it to include a sexual/romantic element.

As for those negative reactions if it's not something like a professional relationship where it's fairly inappropriate, you can try just asking them what led to that response. Of course, don't be aggressive about it, but if well-presented, telling them you want to be a better person & asking why they felt negatively is a perfectly ok thing to do. Just be calm & respectful, regardless of how, or even if, they respond. I'd also caution against assuming how they feel; if, as you suggest, they have understandable reasons that don't extend beyond your actions, then that's something you can work on, & if they do, then it's worth seeing if they actually feel that negatively towards you. Sometimes it really is all in your head... but sometimes it's not. Once in a relationship, you'll learn that it doesn't last long if you don't put in the effort to communicate; consider this working up to that.

colinthelucario said:
The first step is obviously not viewing them as a sexual object. A huge majority of women don't like that. Women like to see a guy who is happy with his life and they want to see that they shouldn't be solely responsible for his happiness. They want to feel secure with their man.

It took me so long to understand this as the desire for sex was overwhelming to where I struggled to function normally.

It's a wise view but I don't see women as just a sexual object, they mean a lot to me which is why I try to bond with them first, I know this may seem like an excuse but that's genuinely part of my intentions all the time because sex for me doesn't mean anything if it doesn't involve mutual love; that's why I despise the idea of just "going with the sluts" or finding a girl who's as desperate as me and stuff like that, which are advised to me oftentimes 😵‍💫

Sex is really more about the person you do it with. I first had sex at 25, flying across the ocean to meet her. While I have no moral objection to consenting adults doing whatever, I don't personally have any interest in sexual relations with someone I'm not emotionally intimate with.

I do agree that you should just see women (and men, and enbies, and whoever else) as people first and foremost before sexual objects. In my anecdotal, subjective observations, having platonic female friends helps a lot of young men learn to just see them as people and not fall into incel/manosphere crowds. Obviously, I have my own tastes and desires, but I'm selective with when I express them. It's also worth noting that your best bet is to work on yourself and try to be a whole person first and foremost. (For my part, that's why I've been trying to get more exercise, learn some skills and why I'm doing foreskin restoration.)

I also agree with previous suggestions to get PrEP and recommend loading up on every vaccine you can, before RFK Jr. says you can't. HPV, Hepatitis and other STDs can be prevented through them.

strahaspilot said:
Sex is really more about the person you do it with. I first had sex at 25, flying across the ocean to meet her. While I have no moral objection to consenting adults doing whatever, I don't personally have any interest in sexual relations with someone I'm not emotionally intimate with.

I do agree that you should just see women (and men, and enbies, and whoever else) as people first and foremost before sexual objects. In my anecdotal, subjective observations, having platonic female friends helps a lot of young men learn to just see them as people and not fall into incel/manosphere crowds. Obviously, I have my own tastes and desires, but I'm selective with when I express them. It's also worth noting that your best bet is to work on yourself and try to be a whole person first and foremost. (For my part, that's why I've been trying to get more exercise, learn some skills and why I'm doing foreskin restoration.)

I also agree with previous suggestions to get PrEP and recommend loading up on every vaccine you can, before RFK Jr. says you can't. HPV, Hepatitis and other STDs can be prevented through them.

pretty much what I think too, but anyways, I guess life keeps going

no

you're required to remain a virgin while on staff

i-d-d-q-d said:
I know it feels a bit needless because we're using this website for a goddamn reason, but have any of you ever actually had sex?
I'll be turning 19 in a few months and I've never gotten laid, despite the fact it's a longtime ambition I have and I spend a lot of time in places like this one and being horny even when not watching porn, so I'd like to know if any users of this thing had success in that regard in spite of being addicted to e621

not a priority. yes I was laid once. it was alright! Im trying to get laid more, but its very difficult for me due to where I live and also that my country isnt known for many furries.
Be up front with what you want, if you have to date someone or 4 weeks and all you want is sex, thats wrong.
If youre looking for online fun, discord, telegram and other furry goon chats are great!