check out my bsky and website for more stories <3
___
Somehow, those days Notah thought were beautiful and nothing else were actually the happiest he’s ever been. That little flutter of love in his chest as he sees Jack’s back in the locker room proves that.

He didn’t realize how much he liked having Jack around until the coyote wasn’t there. He still goes to the spa, but having picked up on Notah’s discomfort at what happened in the locker room, he’s all but stopped talking to the red-tailed hawk. Besides checking in and gently reminding him that he hasn’t restocked the towels, they don’t speak. It’s just like Jack is another one of the spa patrons.

And of course it makes sense. Jack’s failed attempt to get something going in the locker room would very well make him lose interest, maybe even make him think he did something wrong. But he did nothing wrong. Notah lies awake thinking about that day, wishing he accepted Jack’s advances. He wishes he could be back in that car with Jack, wishes he could be in Jack’s arms, wishes he could listen to the Beach Boys with him one more time. (And wishes he had someone to drive him to work like Jack did those weeks. There were a couple of days where it seemed like his car was working but then it crapped out all over again ten times worse. Wes took one look at it and told Notah it would be cheaper to buy a new model than to fix this one, then suggested he could tow it out to a nearby canyon and dump it in.)

He stares at Jack’s back as he sits on the bench, now basically a stranger when they were so close.

And Notah realizes he can’t leave it there. He has to say something.

“Jack…” he whispers. Then he clears his throat and tries again. “Jack.”
Jack turns away from his phone and looks at Notah with a polite smile. “Do you need me to get out of here?”

“Oh, no, um…” he swallows. “Um. Do you… know the story about me and Al Doherty?”

“What’s going on, son?”

Just hearing that word makes Notah want to cry. “I just think we should talk about it.”

He rewraps his towel around his waist. “I remember the news article.”

“You know. I was 17, high, and stupid, living in the middle of nowhere with nobody around for miles. So Al suggested we hit up the gas station. We weren’t even going to like, take the cash from the register or hurt anybody or anything, we were just bored and off our rockers high and unhappy and wanted snacks. We were 17. Just a bunch of little dumbasses. But, you know, the girl running the place had a gun under the counter and it turned into a whole thing.”

“I see you have a penchant for stealing.”

“It’s just sort of an impulse.”

“And you’re not very good at it, I’ve noticed.”

“No I’m not.” He chuckles, tearing up. “And. Al let me go. He let me run. I was just the getaway driver anyway. It’s not like I did anything other than stand next to him. Anyone could have stood next to him.”

“You’re okay, Notah. You don’t need to defend yourself. It’s okay.”

And that simple reassurance makes Notah start to crumble. He starts crying. This might be the first time he’s cried since that night with Al.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry about?”

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.”

He cries into his hands.

Jack stands up and steps right in front of the hawk. “Can I give you a hug?”

Notah nods.

And right there, the almost-naked coyote wraps his arms around the hawk and brings him in tight. Notah sobs into his chest.

“I’ve just never had someone… give me this unconditional support… or saw anything more of me than Al’s delinquent friend.” Notah looks up at the coyote. “You care about me. You CARE about me. No one has ever cared about me. Nobody. Ever.”

“I care about you,” he whispers back. “I do.”

Jack pulls him back into the tight hug.

“And when that happened in the locker room…” Notah says into his chest. “I guess I just got scared.”

“I shouldn’t have done that, kid. That’s, uh, what we did back in the day, but, you know, they got the apps now. It’s more civil.”

“No no no, it wasn’t that. I would have… done it… but I guess I just got scared that maybe it meant you didn’t…” he laughs. “This is so stupid. I barely know you.”

“What were you going to say, son?”

“You didn’t care about me. It was just a sex thing. Like you just wanted to get your rocks off or whatever.”

“Oh.”

“I just… felt that love for the first time in my life… and even though I would want to do something like that so badly with you, it would mean that love wouldn’t be what I thought. This spa… this stupid spa is all I fucking have in my life. You and this fucking spa. And having sex with you like that meant ripping all of that away all at once.”

It’s quiet for a second before Jack let’s out a big sigh. “Can I tell you something?”

“Yeah.”

“I know what this town is like. I know what it does to you. What it feels like to be your age and begging to get out, to be someone different, but that never happens. To be gay here. When I saw you, I saw myself. And I just wanted to give you what I wanted to badly when I was your age. You know, fuck Al Doherty, fuck the spa, fuck what people think about you. You’re a good kid and you deserve love. I wanted to give you that love.”

He grabs Notah’s hands and holds them tight. “I will be here for you, son. If you want me to give you that love, I will give it to you. If you don’t, I won’t. I just want you to know that, no matter what, Notah, you have someone in your corner.”

Notah sniffs and lets out a chuckle. “You’d show me that love?”

“I’d show you that love all fuckin’ night, kid.”

“... Okay.”

“Yeah? You wanna come back home with me?”

Notah nods furiously. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d love to.”

“Alright then. Let me drive you home.”